{"id":1392,"date":"2023-11-01T17:55:46","date_gmt":"2023-11-01T21:55:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/generativ.ca\/?p=1392"},"modified":"2023-11-01T17:57:09","modified_gmt":"2023-11-01T21:57:09","slug":"overcoming-the-blame-reflex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/generativ.ca\/fr\/overcoming-the-blame-reflex\/","title":{"rendered":"Surmonter le r\u00e9flexe du bl\u00e2me"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\"C'est ta faute!\" \"Non, c'est toi qui\u2026!\" Vous avez d\u00e9j\u00e0 entendu \u00e7a? Si vous c\u00f4toyez le moindrement des enfants, vous avez probablement souvent entendu ces mots ou quelque chose du genre. Malheureusement, les enfants ne sont pas les seuls \u00e0 se laisser entra\u00eener dans cette dynamique du bl\u00e2me. On dirait que nous n\u2019arrivons pas \u00e0 nous d\u00e9barrasser de ce r\u00e9flexe, et il se manifeste souvent aussi dans notre vie d\u2019adulte. Lorsque les choses tournent mal, notre premi\u00e8re r\u00e9action est souvent de rechercher le ou la coupable. Pourtant, \u00e0 bien y penser, le bl\u00e2me ne r\u00e9sout pas le probl\u00e8me, et rempire souvent la situation.<\/p>

Alors pourquoi bl\u00e2mons-nous ? C\u2019est peut-\u00eatre une habitude : c\u2019est ainsi que les gens se parlent dans nos vies, et nous ne nous sommes jamais demand\u00e9 si c\u2019\u00e9tait une bonne chose. Ou c\u2019est peut-\u00eatre un m\u00e9canisme de d\u00e9fense : nous voulons nous assurer que quelqu\u2019un d\u2019autre soit bl\u00e2m\u00e9 plut\u00f4t que nous. Mais la raison la plus profonde, \u00e0 mon avis, est que nous aimons les explications simples. Il est plus facile de trouver le coupable et de le punir que de comprendre toutes les raisons pour lesquelles les choses ont mal tourn\u00e9. Et cette fa\u00e7on de penser tient souvent \u00e0 la conviction que tout dans la vie peut \u00eatre r\u00e9duit \u00e0 de simples explications de cause \u00e0 effet.<\/p>

Pourquoi c'est un probl\u00e8me? Parce que dans les interactions humaines, il n\u2019y a pas de cause \u00e0 effet simple. Bien s\u00fbr, il y a souvent quelqu\u2019un qui a fait quelque chose de mal. Mais s\u2019orienter sur la recherche du coupable garantit presque que le probl\u00e8me se reproduira encore et encore. La personne bl\u00e2m\u00e9e se met naturellement sur la d\u00e9fensive et en col\u00e8re, ce qui l\u2019emp\u00eache de voir ce qu\u2019elle pourrait faire de mieux ou diff\u00e9remment. La personne qui bl\u00e2me n\u2019a pas de raison d\u2019examiner son propre comportement, pour voir comment elle a pu contribuer au probl\u00e8me. Et ni l\u2019un ni l\u2019autre ne se penche sur la situation dans son ensemble et les syst\u00e8mes ou la culture qui pourraient amener n\u2019importe qui, dans les m\u00eames circonstances, \u00e0 commettre la m\u00eame erreur.<\/p>

Alors qu'est-ce qu'on fait \u00e0 la place ? Dans leur livre Comment mener les conversations difficiles<\/a>, Stone, Patton et Heen recommandent de penser plut\u00f4t en termes de contribution. Lorsque nous prenons la perspective de la contribution, nous examinons tous les aspects de ce qui s\u2019est pass\u00e9 et nous \u00e9vitons chercher l\u2019unique coupable. Cela permet \u00e0 chacun et chacune d\u2019explorer la mani\u00e8re dont il aurait pu, involontairement, contribuer au probl\u00e8me. Cela conduit \u00e0 une conversation plus calme et plus ouverte. Cela ne veut pas dire qu\u2019il n\u2019y aura aucune cons\u00e9quence en cas d\u2019acte r\u00e9pr\u00e9hensible. Mais cela devrait nous permettre de mieux comprendre et d\u2019aboutir \u00e0 des solutions efficaces et durables.<\/p>

Alors la prochaine fois que vous serez tent\u00e9 de dire : \u00ab Tout est de ta faute \u00bb ou \u00ab Tout est de ma faute \u00bb, je vous encourage \u00e0 faire une pause, \u00e0 questionner, \u00e0 d\u00e9crire et \u00e0 analyser : que s'est-il pass\u00e9 ? Quelles \u00e9taient les circonstances ? Qu\u2019est-ce que chaque personne dans la situation savait, croyait ou comprenait ? Quels facteurs ont pu contribuer au probl\u00e8me ? Un petit avertissement : pour d\u00e9couvrir les vraies r\u00e9ponses \u00e0 vos questions, vous devrez peut-\u00eatre engager une conversation difficile avec l'autre personne. Mais si vous les approchez avec des questions plut\u00f4t que des accusations, vos chances de succ\u00e8s monteront en fl\u00e8che.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cIt\u2019s your fault!\u201d \u201cNo, you\u2019re the one who\u2026!\u201d Sound familiar? If you\u2019ve spent any amount of time around children, you\u2019ve likely heard these words or something like them many times. Unfortunately, children aren\u2019t the only ones who get caught up in this blame game. We can\u2019t seem to outgrow the reflex, and it shows up […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1392","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-collaboration"],"yoast_head":"\nOvercoming the Blame Reflex · Generativ.ca<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/generativ.ca\/fr\/overcoming-the-blame-reflex\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_CA\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Overcoming the Blame Reflex · Generativ.ca\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cIt\u2019s your fault!\u201d \u201cNo, you\u2019re the one who\u2026!\u201d Sound familiar? 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